| What About Bob? My Search for Mr. Marriable |
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| Contributed by Suzie | |
| Monday, 03 October 2005 | |
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Quote from Marriable: “Attention, men! Women want to feel feminine, and the quickest way to help them feel feminine is to be masculine.” At first glance, he had all the desirables a girl could want. “Bob” seemed outgoing, kind, and in two words—excessively handsome! When I walked into the aerobics class I was teaching, he startled me. I’m not kidding. He was that good looking. Attempting to play it cool, I made sure not to pay undue attention to our newest member, but I found it hard to concentrate. A few weeks later, Bob made his move and asked when we could get together. I discovered we shared the same faith, and before I could stop it, my heart was doing flip-flops. Could this wonder-man be the one? Everything within me wanted to find out… …that is, until I found out Bob might have a girlfriend and he called at 11 pm, pleading on my voice mail to talk with me at “my earliest convenience.” I went back to sleep and was greeted with an early-morning phone call from Bob, because he so desperately wanted to clear things up. He had actually gone to a coffee shop I told him I like to frequent, just hoping that like in the movie “Serendipity” I might be there. I was slightly freaked out. I’ve always wanted someone to pursue me, but he seemed too intense, too eager. Before we even had a chance to meet up, he called and spilled his relationship history. He also made it a point to share many of his good qualities. When we did meet for music and coffee, the physical attraction was red hot. But I began to get itchy when Bob told me what a sensitive person he is. While extolling the virtues of his mother, Bob told me he really is a “momma’s boy.” He seemed to think these qualities would endear me, but the opposite became true—I didn’t need a self-described “really nice guy.” I needed a good man. Still, I convinced myself there might be hope. That maybe Bob was joking about being a “momma’s boy” and perhaps I really did need a nice guy like Bob. I’m certainly not perfect, either, and I wanted to give the guy a chance. But in the end, Bob stopped calling—not because I told him to—more likely, because many things I said seemed to offend him. It seemed he was so sensitive that almost any topic of conversation could take a turn for the worse. Was it possible that just a few weeks earlier Bob had tried to convince me God was bringing us together? Later, I figured out what it was about Bob that made me itchy—from the time I met him, I never felt safe. He and I may have shared a high level of physical attraction, but it wasn’t the kind of chemistry that can sustain a relationship. A woman needs to feel physically and emotionally secure while being pursued. So for all the “nice guys” out there, take a lesson from Bob: 1. When you pursue a woman, let her know you’re interested, but give appropriate time to let a relationship unfold. Don’t be desperate! 2. Everyone has a history, but not every girl needs to know yours. Hold back and wait to share your feelings and background until you sense you’re both interested in dating each other on a regular basis. The more secure you feel about yourself, the more secure she’ll feel being with you. Be the man. The good news: there’s still hope for nice guys like Bob who mean well and have plenty to offer in a relationship. Read the chapter “Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last” in Marriable for more great advice. So now, what about Fred. . . |
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