Answer This Question to Become More Marriable

Contributed by Suzie

Sunday, 04 September 2005

Your friend asked you over a double caramel macchiato, your mom asked you over the phone when you complained about your dating woes, or in my case – a date asked me just a few weeks ago. Why haven’t I found the one?  “Well, it’s complicated….” I was tempted to pontificate. I almost started stuttering, but managed to spit out the reason my last boyfriend took a hike. It was lame, because I made it sound like I have no issues. Translation: I’m 32 and single but it’s all“their fault.” Men just can’t commit. What do you want me to do about it, huh?!? Pathetic. Funnier, I thought later, would have been the truer response: “Well, you see, baggage from childhood made me set impossible expectations and avoid serious relationships. Good thing therapy helped me kick those ugly habits. I’m expecting Mr. Right any day now!” Now I’m not suggesting we bare all like that with a date—but I’ve decided it’s high time to get honest with myself. Until I do, how in the world can I expect to become marriable? Otherwise, I keep tripping over the same well-worn excuses for why no man has ever slipped a ring on my finger. Or, if you’re male, why no woman you’ve dated has ever progressed to wife status. (Yes, I do believe all of us have contributed to our dating desperation.) The good news: I also believe there’s a lot more than “one” person out there who would make a good marital match, and that it is possible to drastically improve our marriable quotient. If you read the book Marriable, you’ll find Hayley and Michael serendipitously found each other after almost hundreds of dating disasters and years of self-discovery. All of us have wounds, and the more we figure out what they are, how they affect our relationships, and how to heal, the more attractive we become to the man or woman we’d like to catch for life. Your first assignment? Call a trusted friend today and confess, “I think I haven’t found the one because . . .” And pretty please, don’t blame it on something like the dandruff problem your last girlfriend’s dog had or an old boyfriend’s issues with the toilet seat.  Use gut-level honesty in your conversation, focusing on how you have kept yourself from finding a life partner. Then reward yourself with your barista drink of choice, and don’t bother holding the whipped cream. You, my friend, will have taken a significant step toward ditching desperate in favor of marriable. So, tell me, “Why haven’t you found the one?”

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 07 September 2005 )

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